John: I don't... What is Hot Route?
Jeremy: Will you just go stand on the other side please?
- Wedding Crashers
March 9-14
Somewhere between MontP. and Paris we renamed our group, "Team Hot Route." It took a while for the boys to explain the concept, but apparently when the quarterback sees that the other team is doing something that won't work with whatever play they had decided on and they have to change the plan at the last minute, it's called a hot route. Or an audible. Or something. It's when Jimmy makes earmuffs.
Whatever I'm a girl. I don't have to know.
On Tuesday morning we popped out of bed like daisies greeting the sun on a spring morning, all smiles and sunshine and cheer, ready to explore Paris. Okay, that's a huge lie and I was so slow I almost missed the free hostel breakfast. We hopped on the smelly, smelly Metro and headed over to the Musée d'Orsay.
Oh wait. Have I mentioned yet how miserable the weather was? It was like London, but worse (I know). I was so happy we climbed the Eiffel Tower the first day because every day after that was terrible - overcast, damp, windy, cold. On the way to the Metro that morning I had to stop and buy gloves (MontP. ate one of mine) and Coleen bought gloves and a hat because it was so chilly.
When we got to the d'Orsay we went with Museum Plan Delta, in which we pretend to be EU students, Coleen carries lunch, we split up and meet back at the entrance in 2 hours. There was a slight hiccup when the non English speaking ticket checker guy tried to steal Charlie's passport, but we got in, eventually.
The d'Orsay was probably one of my favorite museums in Paris. I really liked all of the impressionist collection, but I couldn't help but think of that line from Clueless, "She's a full on Monet. From far away she looks okay but up close she's a big mess." I really liked the sculptures too, especially this one bust of a woman done in two different kinds of stone. No idea how that happens.
After the museum we headed over to Claire's apartment. I can safely say that what happened next was the highlight of my entire stay in Paris. As we were strolling down the sidewalk from the Goncourt Metro stop, we passed a hobo. No big deal, right? Paris is full of hobos and they all pee in the Metro. No, he was mumbling under his breath and when I got closer I heard:
BUM BUM BEE DUM BUM BUM BEE DUM DUM...
That's right. He was singing Disturbia (that's a popular song, Mom and Dad).
We settled in at Claire's and then big farewell to Peter. He went to visit Claire's family in Parpignan and although Team Hot Route went on, we always felt the loss of Peter. When he left I thought Charlie was going to cry for sure, but since he was the only man (besides Pastille, the cat), he had to be strong for us girls. I think the stress of MontP. and the climb up the Eiffel Tower caught up with us that night, so we just kinda stayed in and showered/napped all afternoon.
Now, you may think that I came up with the awesome abbrev "MontP." all by myself because I'm just awesome. And you'd be right about the awesome part, but I have to give credit where credit is due: it was all Peter. While we were all moping around the apartment, we got a text from Peter:
We stopped in Montpellier. I got out, hawked a huge loogie and got back on the train. Go team hot route, beat MontP, suck it MontP, go hot route go! Have fun in Paris, losers!
Not only did he clearly miss us, but he gifted us with an awesome abbrev.
The next morning, after a lovely night of snuggling with Pastille, we hopped on a train to Versailles. In case you were wondering when I rant about French people, here it comes.
The guy at the ticket counter for Versailles was a HUGE jerk. Lizzie used her sweet French skills to expain that we're students at a University in London so we get the EU student discount. He was just like, "No." So Lizzie explained again that at the D'Orsay and the Louvre we had been given student prices because we qualified as EU students and the guy basically said, "Madam, this is VERSAILLES. It may have worked at the D'Orsay and it may have worked at the Louvre but it will NOT work at VERSAILLES."
Well.
Versailles was totally overrated anyways. The English audioguides sometimes just like, epically
failed. They would talk about some room that I definitely wasn't in. The most interesting thing was the graffiti that was scratched into the mirrors from WWII era visitors. We paid 15 euro to get in and we couldn't even go see the other buildings without paying a bunch more. So we audibled and took jumping pics instead. Huge moral victory.On Friday we went to the Louvre, which was overwhelming and kind of overrated. Maybe I just couldn't appreciated the Louvre because we were only there for like 2.5 hours and saw maybe 45% of it. And I was rushed the whole time. I mean, don't get me wrong, there was a lot of very important art there that everyone should see at some point in their lives, but there were other museums I enjoyed a lot more. And I saw the Mona Lisa, but I couldn't really enjoy it because there were like a million people there taking pictures and pushing and shoving. The whole place was just a let down, I think.
After we met back up and ate our lunch we went up and out through the pyramid entrance (which was sweet), took the obligatory pyramid pics and then met up with Coleen's friend Shannon whose studying abroad somewhere in France that I can't remember right now.
Okay, so one of my favorite hobbies is imitating statues. It requires a certain amount of skill to get the facial expression just right, the left arm just so and balance on one foot long enough to get the picture taken. It's an art form, really.
Fine.It requires zero talent and isn't an art. But we walked towards Les Invalides, the French war museum, and started imitating statues. So, in an effort to get to know Shannon, I proposed we imitate a statue together. I assured I could hold her up, she just need to jump a little and I'd grab her and Lizzie could take the pic. I didn't mean to lie. I also didn't mean to drop her in the Parisian dirt, which is much dirtier than dirt elsewhere. It was so embarrassing. I had literally met her 30 seconds before and then I threw her into the dirt. Oh well. She was a good sport about it, thankfully. And now we get to laugh about it forever.
We got to Les Invalides too late to really see it, so we audibled and went and took Eiffel Tower pics instead.
The Eiffel Tower = My Hat
Katezilla says "Rawrrr!"Sorry about the lame dinosaur caption; that's the best I can do after a 10 page philo paper has melted my brain.
Anywayssssss, after that we walked to the Arc de Triomphe. We made a LOT of France jokes, which generally raised group morale, and saw a statue dedicated to American soldiers. I mean, it's like, you're welcome, France. Just don't you forget it. So as we walk up to the Arc, I see a girl carrying a Vera Bradley and a boy wearing North Face. So I almost walked up to them and ask if they go to ND, but then I realized that:
a) That would make me just like my father
b) That would be creepy
c) Just because someone has Vera Bradley and North Face doesn't mean they go to ND
Apparently the last one is false, because the girl turned around and yelled "Charlie Landis?!?!?"
I guess various people in our group knew them both. I feel like this entire semester has been one long admissions ad about the giant ND alumni network. Everywhere we go there's someone in an ND hat or someone comes up to us because their sister when to SMC or something. It's ridic and it's also proof that I go to the world's greatest school.
After we hung out for a bit, we walked down Avenue des Champs-Élysées to window shop and checked out all the cool stuff we couldn't buy. We did buy some coffee (mediocre) from a guy (hot) at a cafe (chain). Then we headed back to the apartment for, you guessed it, another exciting night in!!
Since we'd missed Les Invalides the day before, we had a pretty busy schedule for our last day in Paris. Papa Landis got us up with the tried and true turn on the lights method and we actually
made it out the door before noon for the first time all week. I really like Les Invalides. It was originally established by Louis XIV as a hospital for aged and wounded soldiers and it still is a hospital and retirement home for veterans, which was kind of cool. The WWII museum was awesome, because I don't think they mentioned the Americans once. It was always "the Allies" or "the British," haha. It was funny because I know that they know that we know that they owe us. Or maybe they would have preferred Hitler taking pics with the Eiffel tower as his hat to Americans taking pics with the Eiffel tower as their hat. I guess it's a pretty tough call.
After Les Invalides, we wandered back and forth along a couple blocks looking for a crêperie that Lizzie had heard about that was supposed to be delicious. Of course, it was closed (do the French ever work?) so we audibled back to Les Invalides and enjoyed a delicious, but overpriced lunched in the cafeteria there.
After, we walked down the street to Musée Rodin, which was easily one of my favorite museums of the trip. I'm a big fan of sculpture, like I said earlier, so even though it was pretty cold, I enjoyed wandering around the gardens. I think The Gates of Hell was my favorite, although The Thinker made for the best photo ops. OH MY GOODNESS. I cannot begin to describe how annoying this one group of tourists was at The Thinker. I understand that they want pictures. That's fine. We all want pictures. But if you're in a group of 20, shouldn't you spread out those pictures so other people can take pictures too or maybe even, I don't know, LOOK AT THE ART?! There was a nice couple there, sitting on a bench, trying to look at the sculpture and it was almost as bad as trying to look at the Mona Lisa. I was pretty ashamed to be even slightly associated with the other group of tourists, but I like to think Team Hot Route was much more polite.
Team Hot Route isn't just a bunch of pretty faces -
we can think too!
Anyways, after Musée Rodin we took the metro over to the Basilique du Sacré-Cœur, which is waaaay up on a hill and has fantastic views of Paris. Before we began the long trek up we finally
got crepes from a little street vendor and they were pretty freaking delicious. Those silly French and their very thin pancakes.
The trek up to Sacré-Cœur took FOREVER and smelled like urine in some places (a smell that will forever remind me of Paris) but it was completely worth it. We weren't allowed to take pictures inside the church; one lady's flash went off and she pretty much got tackled by the ushers. It was pretty intense. After we hung around admiring the view for a while, we started to hike back down.
Now, fun fact about Paris, there are these guys EVERYWHERE who make those little thread bracelets, you know? I'll assume you know. Anyways, they come up to you and tie it on your wrist and then you can't get it off and have to pay them like 5 euro for it. They are REALLY REALLY aggressive though. Like scary aggressive. They pretty much literally tie you up and if you're in a big enough crowd their friends sneak up and pick pocket you. Anyways, they were blocking the stairs to get down, not letting people through, so we audibled and went a different way through the grass. Right after we got by them though, Charlie said:
You don't want to sell me a deathstick; you want to go home and rethink your life.
in the perfect voice and everything. It was hilarious. Once again, he protected us silly women with his Jedi skills.
After we escaped, we decided to go see Moulin Rouge. We had fun taking pictures, of course and we went and a drink at Le Chat Noir. I finally managed to get a whiskey sour in Europe and it was both delicious and affordable (a rare combination, with the exception of McNuggets, of course). And the bartenders were cute, so the evening was a great success!
Where do we sign up?
On our last day in Paris, we went to mass at Notre Dame (de Paris, not du Lac). It was beautiful, but they had a huge screen stretched up behind the altar that a projector was pointed at to advertise some event. And they didn't stop the tourists or even make them be quiet. It was pretty difficult to focus on mass with flashes going off all around and people wandering around talking. Afterwards, we went to a cafe and I got the best croissant 
and cappucino I've ever had. Say what you will about the French, but they make a mean pastry. Our last stop in Paris was La Sainte-Chapelle, which had the most stained glass windows ever. We had to pay to get in here, but it was completely worth it.
We packed up and cleaned up and said goodbye to Pastille, the cat that everyone but me hated by the end of our stay and then headed home. To London. Check it out, I get to call London home!
After the hobo, the second best part of Paris was this little English boy that was waiting with us at our gate with his mother and sister. He kept saying things like:
Mummy, is that the aeroplane we're going to fly on?
Mummy, if we go change Lucy's nappy we'll miss our aeroplane!!
His mom looked a little annoyed, but we were all cracking up.
Mom, I couldn't talk to strangers in Frace even if I wanted to because I speak NO French.
Anywayssssss, after that we walked to the Arc de Triomphe. We made a LOT of France jokes, which generally raised group morale, and saw a statue dedicated to American soldiers. I mean, it's like, you're welcome, France. Just don't you forget it. So as we walk up to the Arc, I see a girl carrying a Vera Bradley and a boy wearing North Face. So I almost walked up to them and ask if they go to ND, but then I realized that:
a) That would make me just like my father
b) That would be creepy
c) Just because someone has Vera Bradley and North Face doesn't mean they go to ND
Apparently the last one is false, because the girl turned around and yelled "Charlie Landis?!?!?"
I guess various people in our group knew them both. I feel like this entire semester has been one long admissions ad about the giant ND alumni network. Everywhere we go there's someone in an ND hat or someone comes up to us because their sister when to SMC or something. It's ridic and it's also proof that I go to the world's greatest school.After we hung out for a bit, we walked down Avenue des Champs-Élysées to window shop and checked out all the cool stuff we couldn't buy. We did buy some coffee (mediocre) from a guy (hot) at a cafe (chain). Then we headed back to the apartment for, you guessed it, another exciting night in!!
Since we'd missed Les Invalides the day before, we had a pretty busy schedule for our last day in Paris. Papa Landis got us up with the tried and true turn on the lights method and we actually
made it out the door before noon for the first time all week. I really like Les Invalides. It was originally established by Louis XIV as a hospital for aged and wounded soldiers and it still is a hospital and retirement home for veterans, which was kind of cool. The WWII museum was awesome, because I don't think they mentioned the Americans once. It was always "the Allies" or "the British," haha. It was funny because I know that they know that we know that they owe us. Or maybe they would have preferred Hitler taking pics with the Eiffel tower as his hat to Americans taking pics with the Eiffel tower as their hat. I guess it's a pretty tough call.After Les Invalides, we wandered back and forth along a couple blocks looking for a crêperie that Lizzie had heard about that was supposed to be delicious. Of course, it was closed (do the French ever work?) so we audibled back to Les Invalides and enjoyed a delicious, but overpriced lunched in the cafeteria there.
After, we walked down the street to Musée Rodin, which was easily one of my favorite museums of the trip. I'm a big fan of sculpture, like I said earlier, so even though it was pretty cold, I enjoyed wandering around the gardens. I think The Gates of Hell was my favorite, although The Thinker made for the best photo ops. OH MY GOODNESS. I cannot begin to describe how annoying this one group of tourists was at The Thinker. I understand that they want pictures. That's fine. We all want pictures. But if you're in a group of 20, shouldn't you spread out those pictures so other people can take pictures too or maybe even, I don't know, LOOK AT THE ART?! There was a nice couple there, sitting on a bench, trying to look at the sculpture and it was almost as bad as trying to look at the Mona Lisa. I was pretty ashamed to be even slightly associated with the other group of tourists, but I like to think Team Hot Route was much more polite.
Team Hot Route isn't just a bunch of pretty faces -we can think too!
Anyways, after Musée Rodin we took the metro over to the Basilique du Sacré-Cœur, which is waaaay up on a hill and has fantastic views of Paris. Before we began the long trek up we finally
got crepes from a little street vendor and they were pretty freaking delicious. Those silly French and their very thin pancakes.The trek up to Sacré-Cœur took FOREVER and smelled like urine in some places (a smell that will forever remind me of Paris) but it was completely worth it. We weren't allowed to take pictures inside the church; one lady's flash went off and she pretty much got tackled by the ushers. It was pretty intense. After we hung around admiring the view for a while, we started to hike back down.
Now, fun fact about Paris, there are these guys EVERYWHERE who make those little thread bracelets, you know? I'll assume you know. Anyways, they come up to you and tie it on your wrist and then you can't get it off and have to pay them like 5 euro for it. They are REALLY REALLY aggressive though. Like scary aggressive. They pretty much literally tie you up and if you're in a big enough crowd their friends sneak up and pick pocket you. Anyways, they were blocking the stairs to get down, not letting people through, so we audibled and went a different way through the grass. Right after we got by them though, Charlie said:
You don't want to sell me a deathstick; you want to go home and rethink your life.
in the perfect voice and everything. It was hilarious. Once again, he protected us silly women with his Jedi skills.
After we escaped, we decided to go see Moulin Rouge. We had fun taking pictures, of course and we went and a drink at Le Chat Noir. I finally managed to get a whiskey sour in Europe and it was both delicious and affordable (a rare combination, with the exception of McNuggets, of course). And the bartenders were cute, so the evening was a great success!
Where do we sign up?On our last day in Paris, we went to mass at Notre Dame (de Paris, not du Lac). It was beautiful, but they had a huge screen stretched up behind the altar that a projector was pointed at to advertise some event. And they didn't stop the tourists or even make them be quiet. It was pretty difficult to focus on mass with flashes going off all around and people wandering around talking. Afterwards, we went to a cafe and I got the best croissant and cappucino I've ever had. Say what you will about the French, but they make a mean pastry. Our last stop in Paris was La Sainte-Chapelle, which had the most stained glass windows ever. We had to pay to get in here, but it was completely worth it.We packed up and cleaned up and said goodbye to Pastille, the cat that everyone but me hated by the end of our stay and then headed home. To London. Check it out, I get to call London home!
After the hobo, the second best part of Paris was this little English boy that was waiting with us at our gate with his mother and sister. He kept saying things like:
Mummy, is that the aeroplane we're going to fly on?
Mummy, if we go change Lucy's nappy we'll miss our aeroplane!!
His mom looked a little annoyed, but we were all cracking up.
Mom, I couldn't talk to strangers in Frace even if I wanted to because I speak NO French.
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